Voodoo Health Plan
To drunk to renew your Sterno prescription? Well, worry no more. Just follow the simple steps outlined below to brew up your own batch of Sterno.
Measure out one cup of calcium acetate.
Blend in four cups of ethanol.
Strain the mix into a mason jar through one loaf of bread (unsliced).
Mmmm, mmmm. You'll be knocking back that healthy canned heat cocktail in no time. Cheers!
[Medical Note : Should the ingredients list above not be readily available, 'generic' drugs may also be used in place of Sterno, e.g., antifreeze, windshield washer fluid, paint remover, etc. Results may vary.]
The Voodoo Health Plan is the most affordable, most comprehensive available anywhere in the health care industry. There are many significant benefits when you enroll in the the Voodoo Health Plan.
We recognize the demands of your hectic lifestyle. We know that your health care coverage must be comprehensive, portable, and affordable.
to cover every possible health setback. With Voodoo Health, no matter how you get hurt - you're covered
If you're cut with a broken bottle during a bar brawl;
If you ask her for water but she gives you gasoline;
If you lose some teeth when you try one of your clever pick-up lines on a biker chick.
so you are free to move from job to job and place to place. If you're double-wide trailer gets blown away in a tornado or you are forced to trade a hairnet job at Burger King for a hairnet job at McDonald's - you're covered
so that you won't lose your health benefits when your financial situation takes one of those inevitable turns for the worse. Whether your unemployment benefits run out, your girlfriend starts hiding her cigarette money, you pawn your mother's engagement ring and lose the money at the track, or you lose your wallet running out of your girlfriend's house when her husband comes home - you're covered
How do we do it? How can we offer our health benefits at such a low, low price??? Well, we can explain it in one word - Sterno. Yes, with the Voodoo Health Plan you get an unlimited supply of that magic elixir, Sterno. No matter what the situation, Sterno will cure what ails you:
Cut in knife fight? Just pour a little Sterno on it to disinfect it.
Broken leg? Just a few swigs of Sterno and you won't feel the pain.
Poisoned? Well, just a few more swigs of Sterno and you'll be spewing everything you've ingested for the past two weeks.
Frostbite? Just put a match to your can of Sterno and you'll be thawing out in no time.
Yes, the Voodoo Health Plan is the answer for all your medical needs. Using the amazing healing power of Sterno, you can plan to enjoy your Golden Years in good health. The majority of our enrollees live into their forties, some even into their fifties. Enroll Today!!!