Voodoo Credit Card
Begin enjoying the freedom of consumer debt today!
Coming soon -- the Voodoo Card!
Well, now you can enjoy the same joys and benefits of consumer debt today as the rest of America!
The Voodoo Card, from Voodoo DeVille Industries LLC, can be yours today without the hassle of credit checks or credit approvals. With the Voodoo Card, you get:
NO CREDIT CHECK!
100% Guaranteed Approval
No upfront security deposit
No waiting -- start charging today!
To qualify for the Voodoo Card, you only need to meet a few basic requirements:
Are you so desperate you'll do anything?
Are you easily intimidated by a large burly man with a crowbar?
Do anonymous threats against your family scare the hell out of you?
Are your kneecaps still intact?
Do you know what happens to witnesses who talk too much?
If you can answer yes to these questions, your path to debilitating consumer debt awaits. Stayed tuned -- the new Voodoo Card will soon be available.
The low, low interest starts at 20% per week and goes up 5% per week for each week payment is late.
The Voodoo Card is backed by the financial resources of the Greater Newark Waste Management Co.
Our credit counselors are available 24 hours a day and will often make counseling visits after 11:00pm, usually unannounced.
Speaking to Federal authorities is discouraged, often requiring additional credit counseling.
Leaving the Tri-State area without informing your credit counselor or missing meetings with your credit counselor is also strongly discouraged.